Having an honest conversation

Talk and listen in an open way to understand the other person’s position.

• Focus on shared values. Don't just focus on points of difference or non-positive feedback. There are likely many points of agreement about the work being discussed - confirming these helps build a more positive climate for dialogue
• Give people permission. We can forget that people relate to us not as individuals but to our position as 'boss'. As a result they are tentative about being honest through fear: of offending, of getting on the wrong side, about their career options or even their job security.
• Ask open questions and a coaching style, to clarify any points and explore possible options
• Avoid language that is emotive or which could be interpreted as a personal attack
• Be clear about the impact and consequences of behaviour
• Give the person time and space to explore the impact of their behaviour for themselves. This will empower them to identify alternative approaches
• If they refute your feedback, perhaps because they feel you have misread or misunderstood the situation, invite them to provide examples which support their view, and listen without prejudice
• If the difference of opinion cannot be resolved, re-state your original concerns and consider different ways of phrasing the point
• Remember that it is important for individuals to take ownership of improving their performance. Explore developmental solutions and support the individual in selecting and implementing these
• Record what is agreed at the meeting and arrange follow up meetings with the individual if appropriate

Need help?

If you would like additional help please contact your HR Adviser or email performance-review@york.ac.uk