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Prose

The day of atonement

  • Rose Berl

Afterwards

Exactly a year after my father's death it was The Day of Atonement. Though my father was not an observant Jew, he had always fasted for twenty-four hours on this day. "To atone for sins before we commit new ones" he had explained with his indestructible sense of humour. Until this anniversary I had still been angry that my father had not, I thought, respected my feelings after my mother's death when his second wife banished me. That has damaged me. But on the first Day of Atonement following his death I had an insight into the shattered spirit my father and other genocide victims have to precariously and invisibly carry.

A new home

  • Bakhan Mohammed

The word new always gives me pleasure, a new cloth, food, smell, friend, work, experience, film, story. But this time this word gives me a new feeling, a mixture of relive and pain.

It’s good to have a home, to be free from the stupid rules of the place I currently live in. On the other hand my heart sinks when I think about going to a new home, start from beginning again and make a stranger’s house my home! I know that from the first moment we left our homes it’s all a new start, a new step towards everything, that’s why from that moment I hate the word new.

Home reminds me of the things I left behind, of the memories I made in my home, of the smell, tastes, sounds, colours, friends, family, pains, hopes, happiness I left behind.

The things which I owned, things which they reminded me the memories of the days I bought them, the days I used them, the days I was alone, the days I was surrounded by my loved ones, my crying’s, my laughter’s, my achievements, my wounds, my hopes…

I know my connection to my home was not normal but I collected every piece with love and each piece had its own part in spreading beauty and love around the house and the people inside.

My home was the only resting place for my mom and sisters. We were laughing and crying there together.

My home was the whole universe for my friends as there were no rules when we gathered there together.

Now how can I dare talk about making a new home, from the very beginning, without the hope of being a resting place for my family and a universe for my friends!

A home that never again a family comes and a friend goes. For families and friends make a house home.

Can you tell me how can I make another home? Do you have any idea how hard it’s? Still you think we don’t deserve one! Still we are waiting for this pain more than 9 months to begin!

We fool our self every day by talking about the things that we can do in our houses if they give us one. Like been free again, cooking, visiting some strangers, crying, laughing whenever we want to. Isn’t it very ironical?! From all those great feelings remained these small words!

In the day time, you try your hard to make yourself busy or do something. You go out without knowing where to go, go to a class, watching TV, reading, use your phone, or sometimes you stay in bed the whole day.

It’s still better! You haven’t seen our nights.

You are not allowed to go out so just stay in that room again without a plane to write or a work to do in morning, without a family to visit or a friend to talk to. On the bed again the whole night too. 

Oh where are the busy days and nights when I couldn’t even answer my mom’s phone?

Where are the busy nights which our home was full of family and friends?

Where are my daily plans to write?

Where are the things which I loved to do?

So can you imagine how we spend our nights and days here?

In these 9 months I have met so many different people, different stories, different hopes, and different dreams. I have cried so many times with their sorrows and became happy with their hopes. I tried hard to lessen their sufferings and help whenever they need it. Because we are all in the same boat. We were all something in our home land. We were all in the middle or the end of our life journey and tried hard to fulfil our dreams. But now we all suffer from the same thing “our losses and a new beginning”.

This is the only thing keeps me on the track in these 9 months, feeling my being here is useful for these helpless people. Who knows maybe this is the reason of staying here in this place for too long or the universe knows about my fears of going to a new home, so they just don’t let go of me.

They put us all in one place a hotel or a hostel for a year or two. After that they divide you all from the beginning! Why you are sad? Who told you to make new relations with these people that you are living with them only for a year or two?!

No worries mate we as Kurds have been used to these divisions, for before we even born they divide our country in to four pieces. 
It’s true we all escaped from our homes to save our lives, to find a safe place. We are grateful that you have provided us with one. But please consider this we are not robots! Don’t play with our emotions as they played with our lives back home.

My story

  • Basma Taysir El Doukhi

Can you imagine living in exile and in a camp as a stateless person for more than 70 years while being denied your basic human rights and any future foreseen durable solutions? Have you thought about Palestinian refugees living in the camps of Lebanon?

Basma Taysir El Doukhi, a Palestinian Stateless refugee who was living in the Rashidieh Palestinian refugee camp in Lebanon, is looking forward to sharing knowledge and insights of her lived and professional experiences within her PhD studies at Kent.

“I am a Palestinian refugee living in Rashidieh Camp in Lebanon, , “and I want to use my personal and professional experiences and stories for the benefit of my community: to be a voice for the voiceless, and to be a role model for the girls and women in my community.” “As a refugee myself, my personal experience adds value to my work because I understand the needs of refugees – and also I understand what they can contribute. So I am in a better position to advocate for refugees.

“With UNHCR, I was working with Syrian refugees and asylum seekers, mainly enforcing the response and prevention activities for child protection, and the protection activities against gender and sexual based violence, and also co-ordinating with local groups and government to build their capacities.” “To all refugee women and girls, I say keep fighting for your rights, keep dreaming and keep believing in yourself. Your dream will be achieved!”

For how long?


Original version in Arabic. Translated into English by AK.

  • Saba Alshaban

For how long, we will remain refugees, who know nothing of their home except its name. All nations have homes to which they belong and live in except us: our home is the one that lives in us.

Since I was born, I have not heard about my home (Palestine) except from tales we inherited from our families. We heard, when we lived in Iraq, that we have a home called Palestine. Now in the UK, we are refugees again. Being a refugee is like standing in the middle of nowhere, where the road behind you is a deserted past and the road ahead is unknown present. I left my family and memories behind; I do not know whether I shall see them again or not.  

The word "refugee" is an ugly word. It is an insult to human dignity, and so harmful to those who are called by it. It reminds us of the status of unrest and uncertainty that lives with us. 

The refugee is a human who lost his country, his house and his people. He/she left everything behind. The refugee is a human who lives with memories that fade away day after day, and suffers the pain of loneliness and isolation. 

Yet, we have to move on, and start a new life, get to know the new community in which we live now and learn the rules of the country, abide by those rules and respect them. We have to learn a new culture and a new language. Yes, we need to move on. 

Quote by Imam Ali bin Abi Talib

  • Anonymous

((الناس صنفان: إما أخ لك في الدين أو نظير لك في الخلق))
علي بن أبي طالب (عليه السلام)

((People are one of two types: either a brother of yours in faith or a brother of yours in humanity))

- Imam Ali bin Abi Talib

My home country


Original version in Arabic. Translated into English by Hanan Bazarh.

 

  • Hanan Bazarh

My home country, when will I see you prosperous, peaceful, dignified and free?

When will I see you rising up above the skies?

They ask: who are you? I reply: I am the one who is always hopeful and always true.

They ask: where are you from? I say I am from Damascus, the city of love and generosity; a city whose white Arabian jasmine orchards make her look like a bride. The jasmine scent is everywhere in my city.

The Arab Republic of Syria lies in the south west of Asia. Turkey is on the north of it, Jordan south, Lebanon west and Iraq on the east. Damascus is the capital city. It is one of the oldest cities in the world. 

The crisis in Syria started in March 2011, when peaceful demonstrations across the whole country were on the streets, demanding change, free the political prisoners, and give more freedom to the people. Then, the demonstrators raised the level of demands to calling the regime and its leader Bashar Al-Assad to step down. In July 2011, the demonstrations developed into mass protests. The army and pro-Assad regime militia went down to the streets and started arresting and killing people.

Millions of Syrians had to leave their villages and cities and finally the whole country, due to the regime's violence. They escaped to Turkey, Lebanon and Jordan. I still remember the day when we decided to leave our dear country. It was a very sad day. We decided to go to Turkey. We faced many difficulties there, such as learning a new language and the children's study. 

When the situation in Turkey became too difficult for us to bear, I went to the UN immigration office and applied for immigration. We waited a long time, during which our life became more and more difficult. I lost many friends and relatives in Syria, but I was not ready to lose my children. I could not go back to Syria and could not stay in Turkey too. I was so desperate. 

Then, in a beautiful day that I still remember, we had a phone call telling us to get ready to travel to the UK. It was again so difficult to say good-bye to my mother and friends in Turkey, but I had no choice. 

I arrived to the UK. Day after day life is getting easier and better in spite of the many differences in language and the weather. The best thing is my children are safe and having excellent education. 

Contribution by Yuliia Turchenko

Воспоминания про мое путешествие в Великобританию пробуждает теплые чувства и наполняет надеждой мою душу. Мое решение поехать в неизвестную доселе страну, ощущалось мной как прыжок в глубокое озеро, не умея достаточно хорошо плавать.

Несмотря на мои опасения, у меня было стойкое и непоколебимое ощущение, что все получится.
Не данный момент, я все еще не имею постоянного жилья, мой доход - временный, а будущее туманнее с каждым днем. Мой сын постоянно просится домой.

Но..

Я благодарю правительство Великобритании за программу "Дом для Украины". Мы живем в безопасности, мой ребенок не слышит звуки взрывов, и там не нужно ходить в бомбоубежище.
Я не знаю что будет через год или два. Моя семье все еще в Украине. На самом деле я все время думаю об их безопасности.
Мои друзья разъехались по всему миру. Ощущение одиночества, это то, что нас объединяет несмотря на расстояние между странами.....

Озвучив свой опыт на бумаге, я вдруг осознала, что я не временно нахожусь в другой стране из-за войны. Я перелистнула новую страницу своей жизни.
И я буду писать ее с достоинством и благодарностью несмотря ни на что.

Memories of my trip to the UK awaken warm feelings and fill my soul with hope. My decision to go to a previously unknown country felt like jumping into a deep lake without knowing how to swim well enough.

Despite my fears, I had a strong and unshakable feeling that everything would work out.

Not at the moment, I still do not have a permanent home, my income is temporary and the future is becoming more uncertain every day. My son keeps asking to go home.

But...

I thank the British government for the Home for Ukraine programme. We live in safety, my child does not hear the sounds of explosions and there is no need to go to a bomb shelter.

I don't know what will happen in a year or two. My family is still in Ukraine. In fact, I think about their safety all the time.
My friends are scattered all over the world. The feeling of loneliness is what unites us despite the distance between countries.....

After putting my experience down on paper, I suddenly realised that I was not temporarily in another country because of the war. I had opened a new page in my life.

And I will write it with dignity and gratitude, whatever happens.

Contribution by Joseline Amani

Hey

It took me several weeks of thinking whether I should write this or not. Initially I didn’t want to because it brings back the trauma but one small voice in my head saying what if there could be someone out there in a similar situation and all they need is just to know that if you managed then they can also overcome. Here I am and as I am typing and tears running through my eyes, I can’t control but someone I hope the right person will find my message and use it in the right way.

A long story short, I was born and raised in the war-torn country of DRC which is not only among the poorest country in Africa but in the whole world. My parents were killed by some men in my neighbourhood right in front of me when I was 5. My day used to be like roasted maize and every evening my mom would collect firewood and set up fire specifically for roasting maize. We all could gather sited in ashes and eat one by one as it gets really… this was fun in our village. One evening 5 men came into my house. I still see their faces sometimes when I close my eyes and the images are stuck in my head till now, it gives me nightmares like a child. My dad was killed by a panga, but they kept my mom for a while as they raped her and tied her on a tree with a plastic jerrican on fire dropping on her slowly till she died. I still get seasonal pain from my physical injury from that day after these many years, but I am hoping since I am in UK, I could get proper medication and at least heal from that.

I didn’t understand well what was going on the night my parents died but now  I understand the images in my head. I managed to escape with my life that day; 3 days in the jungle alone with no food no shoes I managed to reach a certain village called (Shabunda) and a great Samaritan picked me up gave me shelter and food. Unfortunately, they didn’t treat me well because I was a girl and didn't want to get married when I was 14. The culture says that’s mature enough to get married and I guess they helped me because they expected dowry from the man who will take me. Nevertheless, I was and always am grateful to them for helping me in the best way they knew how to. I was raped at age 8 but that's not it. I grew up seeing the perpetrators living and enjoying their best life, The law didn't apply when it comes to female... and my foster parents always told me to go live with older men because they could give money and food to my parents and so the whole household eats for days.

No child should ever go through what I went through.. No child deserves a life I have lived and I just hope with every breath I have that I can just be able to help one person at a time.

Today I’m a refugee registered in Uganda where still, poverty remains a major issue and gender inequality is a problem that most people don’t want to discuss. I have seen countless people facing poverty and several other challenges due to unemployment and insufficient financial income such as luck of shelter. I won’t say poor infrastructure because for most people in my community they just need a roof over their head regardless of what it looks like. Girl children hardly access school, so many parents were parenting with violence and it breaks my heart. I have seen the light, and I am determined to extend the grace to everyone in need.

The economic and war problems in my country have had an adverse effect on me, this led me to develop the skills I needed to live and survive on my own living in extreme poverty. My biggest motivation is to eliminate poverty through empowering poor girls and school dropouts to become self-sufficient and resilient. I am hoping I can be pushing our local leaders to end poverty by creating positive job policy change and promoting economic growth for people living in rural areas especially refugee settlements and camps. This is a specific reason why I have a strong passion to study Master of Science-Sustainable Business, leadership innovation and management at York university.

It is a great blessing to be here and I won’t take it for granted but I need you and everyone to read this. We need people who can see that NGO’s are doing the work but how can they really understand what we’re going through if we are not involved in the decision making? Look around Implementations programs in camps and tell me how many refugees are holding managerial positions or better pay to start with? They are many skilled and qualified refugees, but they don’t get the jobs, they only get paid volunteer work. I think to better help refugees and Asylum seekers one needs to get to evolve them. I have started a girl empowerment community-based group that supports women and girls at risk by teaching them vocational skills like tailoring, hairdressing, and farming but this is just for survival. There’s more that needs to be done and this can not be one person’s responsibility…. It is for all of us including you reading this.

I never played victim regardless of my situation. I always wake up and try again and am convinced that the future is bright. I still feel the pain in my skin and the shadows in my head are too dark, but I know for sure that This could be the start of something new, something better, something to help me help the girl desperate right now Hopelessly sited under a tree or somewhere crying herself.

I feel like women’s economic empowerment and child protection should be everyone’s responsibility and this should not be up for negotiation.

I have developed a wide range of practical skills such as fundraising, qualitative, and quantitative research which will be added value to my graduate studies. I am hoping to gain opportunities that help me integrate entrepreneurship into social aspects of development. I am hoping we can work together to provide a safe place for a girl child to grow up in while reducing poverty and promoting a prosperous Africa. I intend to create a holistic development approach that will promote economic growth and reduce poverty; Therefore, We need everyone’s participation and contributions in their own ways or capacity.